i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
