He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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