DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
