he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
