Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
