i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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