GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
