Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
