If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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