Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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