He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
