I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
