if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
