He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
