I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
