Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
