girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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