we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
