So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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