Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
