shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
