someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
