Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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