I wish I could punch you in the face.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize