Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
