At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
