This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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