Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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