Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
