I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
