ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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