4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
