I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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