do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
