HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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