Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
