is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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