the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
