Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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