Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
