Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
