I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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