I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
