Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
