Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
