Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Then you guys just all showered together...?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
