Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
