Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
