I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
