Soap is not a condiment
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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