my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
