Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
