Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
