i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
