Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
