My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sober January is a disaster.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
