just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
