Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
