you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Let's get the cat blown out
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
