fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
