So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
