Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I want her autograph on my taint
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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