Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
