she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
