real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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