the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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