My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I touched a dick in church today
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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