Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
