Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
