Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
