the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
