I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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