Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
