We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
