Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
