Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
