I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
