standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
