You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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