dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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