He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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