The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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