If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I need to stop coming to work sober
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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