Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
